A Recovered Pageant Queen

This weekend I plan on returning to my hometown for the annual celebration weekend.  It has the usual beer garden, polka music, Sunday parade, and eating-contests that small-town Germans go shit crazy over.  It also has a pageant.  I think it's technically a scholarship competition (ha!).  It's a very small production and the judging is based entirely on an interview.  The process is actually pretty tame.  It's not based on looks or how well you walk in a bikini.  It is, however, still based on feminine ideals like poise and elegance. 

Well, at the tender age of 16 I was deemed the most poised and elegant.  I was named Queen and spent the next year riding around in vehicles performing choreographed waving to strangers while wearing formal gowns and up-dos in 90 degree heat.  I didn't want to do it.  It required a lot of convincing from my sister (a former queen herself).  I did it probably more out of sibling rivalry and for the sake of competition than anything else.  I was proud of myself at the time.  But looking back?

It's gross that such young girls participate in competitions of who is essentially the most female or the best woman.  There are good values at play like intelligence and public-speaking.  One of the questions I was asked by the judges was how I would change the education system.  I don't remember my answer (I was 16!).  At least, I'm sure I'd have a better one now.

And despite that the competition is judged by a group of non-locals, it does feel like the young girls are really being judged by the whole town.  Their pictures and bios are published in the newspaper and everyone is invited to form opinions on who should win, and to express their disagreement with the judging.  Their opinions reflect on what they value most.  She's the prettiest, she's the sweetest, she's the nicest.  I also definitely feel like there are class issues at play that I won't go into.

After the judging these girls get adorned with jewelry, placed on top a float and driven around town.  Am I the only one who sees how fucking pathetic this all is?  And completely inconsequential?  You can't put Miss-Small Town Minnesota 2004 on your resume.  And the scholarship award?  $100.  16 year-olds are not going to put $100 away in the bank to use for college later.  They are going to use it to buy  a white gown to wear at the parade next weekend.